I guess this blog was primarily supposed to be about the events leading up to my marriage and maybe a little after... but I guess now it's set to record all of the happenings in my life.
I actually, just now, even considered making a new blog but then I don't know if this aspect of my life is separate than everything else... I guess all of these dimensions make a person who they are.
And, the person that you become in the end, DOES play into what kind of life/marriage you lead.
So anyhow, what got me writing today is, I was going through one of my old e-mail inboxes and reading some of the old messages in there. Well, I had actually created that e-mail address as I was graduating out of high school and about to move to the United States. And so the messages that I was reading were all about when I had recently moved here and how my friends and I were adjusting to our new lives, in the various different countries that we went to for university. (On a side thought, I was always amazed at how people from all different parts end up at OSU... but I guess I'm just one of them too! haha)
Ok, moving on :P...
[I purposely do not organize the thoughts in this blog... it's not systematic because I like to put down things as they come in my head... it makes me feel like it preserves the essence of my craziness! :) ]
So yeah, reading my old messages really got me reminiscing and thinking about how even someone like me, at the age of just 22, has so many dimensions and stories to my life. There's days that I feel like I've been living in the US forever, but then when I sit back and think about it... my life was sooooo different just around 4 1/2 years ago.
Sigh... I am just easily excited, maybe.
I mean the stuff I write most people, like me, probably already know... but isn't it strange that one can feel so awe-ed when they re-realize something! Haha... a total 'AHA' moment :P
I love reflections.
And, with this I'll end :D
Peace.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
This little girl is grateful...
(Continued).
Around 15 years ago, this little girl moved to the Middle East because her father landed a job there... she carried her stuffed toy Dalmation and rode a plane for the longest trip she had ever taken in her life (well, the one she remembers anyways).
She had just finished first grade and celebrated her 7th birthday a month ago, for the last time, with her cousins and her best friend Erin C.
So yeah, her family left all that was known, comfortable and secure for a life in a country where they knew they could provide their daughters with an even better life.
Flash forward to the year 2005 and the eldest daughter (me) graduates High School and so it's time to move back to the once known, comfortable and secure lifestyle... which now seemed like the opposite (after 11 yrs of living in the Middle East).
After many many many teary goodbyes to friends who became more like family, we returned to real family in the United States.
Once again, here enters the once little girl who had moved out of the US at the age of 7 and has now come back as an 18 year old adult. She is unsure of what the future holds for her and finds it hard to completely blend in... she does not have a drivers' license, dresses differently, has a slight accent, never had a job and has never had any schooling in the United States since 1994.
She moves to the US in July and starts practicing driving right away, even though her family has only one car at that time. She lands a job at Macy's and starts working there by August 12th and starts schooling at a community college by September.
She finds is hard to adjust because other people seem to be able to sense that she is different too, and although she is kind and friendly... she is shy and without prodding finds it hard to make friends in the first year of college.
The second year gets better, when she meets 'S' in an Arabic class and they become friends :) [Unfortunately, 'S' is no longer a friend because she found a larger group or friends and eventually stopped caring for me]. 'S' is half German and half Palestinian.
[[Eventually I move out of the community college and transfer to the state university over here.]]
One friendship led to many others and here I am in the year 2009 all ready to graduate from college and I was overwhelmed by the number of 'actual' friends which I had on facebook (even after cutting down ppl who were just acquaintances, I had around 200 friends that I was pretty close to!).
So yeah, I have a looot to be grateful for... I would have never thought that a shy little girl who was the only Asian (the indo-pak type :P) in her whole elementary school would grow up to spend her whole life in a foreign country and then come back and start over... struggle, but thrive in the United States.
I remember how difficult, emotional and hurtful my first year of college was... and now all I have are fond memories, alhamdulillah (Allah is worthy of All Praise).
I am going to be the first one in my family to have an American degree and my parents could not be prouder. I am grateful to them because they're the ones that worked hard and paid my tuition each quarter, sometimes struggling with it, so that I would not have get any student loans when I start off my own life.
So, I think I have finally deciphered the real reason for my nerves... a chapter of my life is now closing and another one is now starting... one that I don't know much about...
But, recalling how I've done it many times before... I have faith that I'll be able to get through ok :)
Thank you God for all the mercy, love and guidance that you have bestowed me with.
Around 15 years ago, this little girl moved to the Middle East because her father landed a job there... she carried her stuffed toy Dalmation and rode a plane for the longest trip she had ever taken in her life (well, the one she remembers anyways).
She had just finished first grade and celebrated her 7th birthday a month ago, for the last time, with her cousins and her best friend Erin C.
So yeah, her family left all that was known, comfortable and secure for a life in a country where they knew they could provide their daughters with an even better life.
Flash forward to the year 2005 and the eldest daughter (me) graduates High School and so it's time to move back to the once known, comfortable and secure lifestyle... which now seemed like the opposite (after 11 yrs of living in the Middle East).
After many many many teary goodbyes to friends who became more like family, we returned to real family in the United States.
Once again, here enters the once little girl who had moved out of the US at the age of 7 and has now come back as an 18 year old adult. She is unsure of what the future holds for her and finds it hard to completely blend in... she does not have a drivers' license, dresses differently, has a slight accent, never had a job and has never had any schooling in the United States since 1994.
She moves to the US in July and starts practicing driving right away, even though her family has only one car at that time. She lands a job at Macy's and starts working there by August 12th and starts schooling at a community college by September.
She finds is hard to adjust because other people seem to be able to sense that she is different too, and although she is kind and friendly... she is shy and without prodding finds it hard to make friends in the first year of college.
The second year gets better, when she meets 'S' in an Arabic class and they become friends :) [Unfortunately, 'S' is no longer a friend because she found a larger group or friends and eventually stopped caring for me]. 'S' is half German and half Palestinian.
[[Eventually I move out of the community college and transfer to the state university over here.]]
One friendship led to many others and here I am in the year 2009 all ready to graduate from college and I was overwhelmed by the number of 'actual' friends which I had on facebook (even after cutting down ppl who were just acquaintances, I had around 200 friends that I was pretty close to!).
So yeah, I have a looot to be grateful for... I would have never thought that a shy little girl who was the only Asian (the indo-pak type :P) in her whole elementary school would grow up to spend her whole life in a foreign country and then come back and start over... struggle, but thrive in the United States.
I remember how difficult, emotional and hurtful my first year of college was... and now all I have are fond memories, alhamdulillah (Allah is worthy of All Praise).
I am going to be the first one in my family to have an American degree and my parents could not be prouder. I am grateful to them because they're the ones that worked hard and paid my tuition each quarter, sometimes struggling with it, so that I would not have get any student loans when I start off my own life.
So, I think I have finally deciphered the real reason for my nerves... a chapter of my life is now closing and another one is now starting... one that I don't know much about...
But, recalling how I've done it many times before... I have faith that I'll be able to get through ok :)
Thank you God for all the mercy, love and guidance that you have bestowed me with.
Thinking... unwelcomed.
I'm so confused about my future that whenever I think of it I start hyperventilating... wow! don't tell me I'm gonna get my very first batch of panic attacks over this!!!
Anyhow, so I turn to my younger sister for advice when I know I'm thinking (the verb) myself crazy... and she gave me another insight into things... well I guess it wasn't really 'another' idea... maybe just something that I was forgetting to remind myself of, due to my constant panicking! So anyways, she told me to relax and take a deep breath and that getting married/graduating doesn't mean that I still don't have time to do anything with my life.
Sigh... I never thought I'd feel like this when the time came. I don't think I was this nervous when I got married! yikes... somethings gotta give.
Well, so I guess overall I'm feeling a little better although I'm still pretty emotional :(
Partly, I think I'm using my insecurity over graduating to cover up all of the other billions of things that I'm feeling a roller-coaster of emotions about...
I'm once again leaving my family, this time somewhat permanently... I'm just so close to them, and thankfully now that hubby and I are moving to NC we'll be much closer to OH than we previously were... meaning more visits home.
But I can't help but feel sad... the last time I was there (this summer) was really hard without my family... because even though I've found my soul mate and feel complete, it feels like this other part of my life is missing.
Gosh, now i'm tearing up :( I'm really gonna miss my time in OH and OSU.
Jeez, I think this post is turning into something else.
(to be continued, in another post).
Anyhow, so I turn to my younger sister for advice when I know I'm thinking (the verb) myself crazy... and she gave me another insight into things... well I guess it wasn't really 'another' idea... maybe just something that I was forgetting to remind myself of, due to my constant panicking! So anyways, she told me to relax and take a deep breath and that getting married/graduating doesn't mean that I still don't have time to do anything with my life.
Sigh... I never thought I'd feel like this when the time came. I don't think I was this nervous when I got married! yikes... somethings gotta give.
Well, so I guess overall I'm feeling a little better although I'm still pretty emotional :(
Partly, I think I'm using my insecurity over graduating to cover up all of the other billions of things that I'm feeling a roller-coaster of emotions about...
I'm once again leaving my family, this time somewhat permanently... I'm just so close to them, and thankfully now that hubby and I are moving to NC we'll be much closer to OH than we previously were... meaning more visits home.
But I can't help but feel sad... the last time I was there (this summer) was really hard without my family... because even though I've found my soul mate and feel complete, it feels like this other part of my life is missing.
Gosh, now i'm tearing up :( I'm really gonna miss my time in OH and OSU.
Jeez, I think this post is turning into something else.
(to be continued, in another post).
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Gradually graduating...
The other day I sat down for one last time to schedule college classes, for my last quarter at OSU.
I was pretty excited about graduating, until upon scheduling everything, the reality of everything set in... it's like now that I know that I'll have more free time and won't have to be in school no more, I feel like I don't want to leave.
It's really a strange feeling and I have been struggling with the decision of whether I should go to grad school or not.
It's just all very confusing to me... so here, as I wait to take a midterm for the last psych class that I'll ever be taking (I am well over the credit requirements for my major in psych, so I won't be taking another next quarter), I'm blogging like I don't have a worry in the world.
I know I want to be a stay-at-home mom when I have kids, which could be soon if Allah blesses us insha'Allah, because both my husband and I love kids... but then at other times I feel like shouldn't I do more with my life? This, in turn, brings me to the other difficult question... should I wait to have kids? (Till now I've been telling 'A' that I want one like crazy and don't want to wait too much, but I guess a few months/one year shouldn't be too bad? ugh... someone please give me the answers!)
I really wanted to go into Speech Therapy and a Masters would allow me to work in that field and help countless people. Don't get me wrong, I still only wanna work after my (future) kids were in school and that, too, part time. I have no intentions of being some overworked mom who does not have time for the house or kids... I truly believe that is my primary goal.
Maybe my thoughts are based on some of form of insecurity I have for the future... but at the same time, I feel like I want to live a little... in the sense that I wanna try my hand at different things... Where all of this will take me, I'm not really sure...
For one, I'm married... so I have a definite place that I need to be at... at home, caring for my husband. Secondly, I really don't even know where to turn to if I wanted to do anything anyways...
I just hope I don't take the easy way out and do nothing with my life...
Oops! Gotta go and take that exam now.
Peace :)
I was pretty excited about graduating, until upon scheduling everything, the reality of everything set in... it's like now that I know that I'll have more free time and won't have to be in school no more, I feel like I don't want to leave.
It's really a strange feeling and I have been struggling with the decision of whether I should go to grad school or not.
It's just all very confusing to me... so here, as I wait to take a midterm for the last psych class that I'll ever be taking (I am well over the credit requirements for my major in psych, so I won't be taking another next quarter), I'm blogging like I don't have a worry in the world.
I know I want to be a stay-at-home mom when I have kids, which could be soon if Allah blesses us insha'Allah, because both my husband and I love kids... but then at other times I feel like shouldn't I do more with my life? This, in turn, brings me to the other difficult question... should I wait to have kids? (Till now I've been telling 'A' that I want one like crazy and don't want to wait too much, but I guess a few months/one year shouldn't be too bad? ugh... someone please give me the answers!)
I really wanted to go into Speech Therapy and a Masters would allow me to work in that field and help countless people. Don't get me wrong, I still only wanna work after my (future) kids were in school and that, too, part time. I have no intentions of being some overworked mom who does not have time for the house or kids... I truly believe that is my primary goal.
Maybe my thoughts are based on some of form of insecurity I have for the future... but at the same time, I feel like I want to live a little... in the sense that I wanna try my hand at different things... Where all of this will take me, I'm not really sure...
For one, I'm married... so I have a definite place that I need to be at... at home, caring for my husband. Secondly, I really don't even know where to turn to if I wanted to do anything anyways...
I just hope I don't take the easy way out and do nothing with my life...
Oops! Gotta go and take that exam now.
Peace :)
Saturday, November 7, 2009
winter break and moving...
I have decided to continue living in OH until I graduate in March but I will be going to SC to spend my winter vacation with my husband 'A'.
My husband had just booked my tickets when we found out that he'll be moving to NC by the end of this month...
Well, this move did not come as a surprise to us really, just because he had asked his manager to be considered to be transferred if an opportunity/opening showed up at the NC office.
There are many reasons for why we wanted to move to NC...
Firstly, there's a much bigger Muslim community... meaning that there's a proper mosque and religious activities which go on over there.
Secondly, we can get halaal meat over there easily... right now in SC we had found a place which was 2 hours away!
Third, 'A' had decided that wherever we move to, we wanna be close to family and so alhamdulillah moving to NC, as opposed to staying in SC, moves us to a 6 hr drive to OH :D Meaning more visits home... or that 'A' can actually come over the weekend and pay me a visit while I'm still here for school.
Alhamdulillah for everything...
The only thing is, we have to pack!
My husband had just booked my tickets when we found out that he'll be moving to NC by the end of this month...
Well, this move did not come as a surprise to us really, just because he had asked his manager to be considered to be transferred if an opportunity/opening showed up at the NC office.
There are many reasons for why we wanted to move to NC...
Firstly, there's a much bigger Muslim community... meaning that there's a proper mosque and religious activities which go on over there.
Secondly, we can get halaal meat over there easily... right now in SC we had found a place which was 2 hours away!
Third, 'A' had decided that wherever we move to, we wanna be close to family and so alhamdulillah moving to NC, as opposed to staying in SC, moves us to a 6 hr drive to OH :D Meaning more visits home... or that 'A' can actually come over the weekend and pay me a visit while I'm still here for school.
Alhamdulillah for everything...
The only thing is, we have to pack!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Been married for a year!
10/11/08 Our Wedding Day, last year!
May God grant us many more happy days and may we forever be this close, content and pleased with each other. Ameen!
So... what has changed in a year?
Haha... well mostly, we can complete each others' sentences...we do that ALL THE TIME!
And the freaky thing is, sometimes we'll both come up with the SAME EXACT expression at the same exact time... CREEPY :P
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BOO! I LOVE YOU <3
May God grant us many more happy days and may we forever be this close, content and pleased with each other. Ameen!
So... what has changed in a year?
Haha... well mostly, we can complete each others' sentences...we do that ALL THE TIME!
And the freaky thing is, sometimes we'll both come up with the SAME EXACT expression at the same exact time... CREEPY :P
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BOO! I LOVE YOU <3
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Going home for Eid = Last day alone with hubby
Ok, so I have a lot of drafts that I have saved on here which I will publish sometime soon.
They will update you guys a little bit better on what I've been up to since I've been here in SC.
Hmm... I was here since Aug. 2nd and had booked my ticket for Sept. 22nd (school starts on the 23rd), which would be 2 days after our religious post-Ramadaan celebration of Eid.
I was excited about spending this first Eid with my husband but at the same time we had no idea about how we would celebrate it.
We haven't found any practicing Muslims over here :( and so we actually had no plans.
We were thinking we'd just pray and chill at home, like we do everyday... as it is, we love spending time together :D Alhamdulillah!
Well, one morning my sister text messages me on my cell and is like, 'Guess who is coming over for Eid?' and I'm confused... and so I ask 'who?'. She doesn't say anything back to me but I realize something fishy is going on.
Then I talk to my mom later on in the day and I find out that my dad had called up my husband and told him that he wanted the 2 of us to come over back to OH for Eid (which would be 2 days before I was intended to return). My dad also said that he knew my ticket had already been booked and to see if it could be changed and that my dad would be paying for my husband's ticket. That would be his Eid gift to him :)
So yup, my ticket was already booked and we called to find out if we could cancel or change and the airline people told us that we'd have to pay $150!!! This, of course, was more than the amount that my ticket cost because it was a one-way back to OH.
So we decided to forget about the wasted ticket and just buy a new one and let my dad pay for my hubby's.
Ok... so long story short :D I'm gonna be in OH on Sept 18th along with my husband!
I'm really happy that we'll get to spend our first Eid together with my family and little cousins, alhamdulillah.
Although I'm happy tough, this trip is still bittersweet because I know that I won't be able to see my husband for 3 whole months :'( This whole distances thing is difficult... and these past 1.5 months have been the most time I have spent with him over the whole year of our marriage.
Oh yeah, that reminds me... our first wedding anniversary is coming up! Masha'Allah.
It's on Oct 11th :)
I was planning on paying my husband a visit so that we could celebrate together (it's on a Sunday) but now it's pretty much impossible. First, it'd be too expensive, second I'm gonna have midterms around that time. Third, we're having an AlMaghrib (www.almaghrib.org) class the same weekend :( So yeah, my plans have pretty much been canceled.
Am gonna end this here because it's late and my husband is already snoring away on our futon... poor thing!
Until later...
Peace.
They will update you guys a little bit better on what I've been up to since I've been here in SC.
Hmm... I was here since Aug. 2nd and had booked my ticket for Sept. 22nd (school starts on the 23rd), which would be 2 days after our religious post-Ramadaan celebration of Eid.
I was excited about spending this first Eid with my husband but at the same time we had no idea about how we would celebrate it.
We haven't found any practicing Muslims over here :( and so we actually had no plans.
We were thinking we'd just pray and chill at home, like we do everyday... as it is, we love spending time together :D Alhamdulillah!
Well, one morning my sister text messages me on my cell and is like, 'Guess who is coming over for Eid?' and I'm confused... and so I ask 'who?'. She doesn't say anything back to me but I realize something fishy is going on.
Then I talk to my mom later on in the day and I find out that my dad had called up my husband and told him that he wanted the 2 of us to come over back to OH for Eid (which would be 2 days before I was intended to return). My dad also said that he knew my ticket had already been booked and to see if it could be changed and that my dad would be paying for my husband's ticket. That would be his Eid gift to him :)
So yup, my ticket was already booked and we called to find out if we could cancel or change and the airline people told us that we'd have to pay $150!!! This, of course, was more than the amount that my ticket cost because it was a one-way back to OH.
So we decided to forget about the wasted ticket and just buy a new one and let my dad pay for my hubby's.
Ok... so long story short :D I'm gonna be in OH on Sept 18th along with my husband!
I'm really happy that we'll get to spend our first Eid together with my family and little cousins, alhamdulillah.
Although I'm happy tough, this trip is still bittersweet because I know that I won't be able to see my husband for 3 whole months :'( This whole distances thing is difficult... and these past 1.5 months have been the most time I have spent with him over the whole year of our marriage.
Oh yeah, that reminds me... our first wedding anniversary is coming up! Masha'Allah.
It's on Oct 11th :)
I was planning on paying my husband a visit so that we could celebrate together (it's on a Sunday) but now it's pretty much impossible. First, it'd be too expensive, second I'm gonna have midterms around that time. Third, we're having an AlMaghrib (www.almaghrib.org) class the same weekend :( So yeah, my plans have pretty much been canceled.
Am gonna end this here because it's late and my husband is already snoring away on our futon... poor thing!
Until later...
Peace.
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