Baby Morocco

Since the last time I wrote, we have been matched with a baby at the orphanage in Morocco.

We got matched on 10/26/15 :) We had to wait about 16 days to be matched with this child, after we got our I-600A approval...this wait felt like eternity!!!

But alhamdulillah that day finally came and we know who our son is!

So...how do I feel???

The moment i got the news...without actually "getting the news" (I heard we got matched but missed the phone call that was supposed to tell me about the baby!)...at that moment I cried. I cried on the phone while W (the lady that has been coordinating this whole thing) congratulated me (I told her "wait! I didn't get the news yet!!!"...they called my husband to give him the news since I didn't answer my phone, and he was at work...so I hadn't talked to him just yet). I couldn't utter a single word by the time W told me that our baby is "beautiful". My voice broke and I couldn't talk...she told me where I could see his picture and honestly our internet has never felt as slow as it did at that moment! It was frustrating. My husband called me after that and I just kept yelling "Shh I haven't seen it yet!" 😂

Then I finally saw him and he IS BEAUTIFUL! But the warm and fuzzies didn't start the second I saw the picture because I think I was too overwhelmed with every other amazing emotion :) Then I went around and showed the picture to everyone. I called my mom...she didn't answer...called my sis and no answer!!!! Then I called my dad and he was sooo happy and excited for us :) Eventually my mom and then my sis called back and we gave them the news and sent them pics. Officially my heart began to melt and it just smiled and floated on cloud nine...and it still has been since that day. Showing the picture to everyone and sharing the happiness finally made the feeling more real and it is amazing!

I went to show my maternal grandma, who is 91 years old, the picture in person and she was in love as well 😍 Alhamdulillah she has been the most anxious and impatient about us getting matched with a baby and about us going to Morocco...she would ask me almost every month how much longer we had and then would make dua'a that everything happens quickly.

Honestly, at first I was afraid, but sharing our story has been such an amazing experience! We have gotten so much support from everyone...but throughout this journey I have two people that I have to thank the most and that is my hubby, A, and then my mom. My mom was the first one to just push us to pursue adoption...even when we had doubts about how we would go about/afford this. She just believed in it so much and has done everything in her power to make this dream a reality for us. She is nothing short or a superstar. Thank you, mom.

Ok, so I will end this post here...

But I just wanted to let you know that my heart is finally smiling again...after years of dealing with secondary infertility and living with the guilt of not being able to give our son a sibling...I want to still be cautious because we have such a long way to go before Baby Morocco is our...but I am losing control and hopelessly falling deeper in love with each passing day :) Sometimes I think of how funny this whole thing is too...that my second child is in Morocco and how we have never met but he is already a piece of my heart and I already can't imagine life without him.

Insha'Allah my next post will be about how Y is doing with all of this :)

An uncharted terrain...

Why are we adopting?

I don't think I honestly have an answer to this question...i probably did, in fact i probably had many before we started this entire journey... but the more i have been educating myself about adoption...the more i have realized that i don't have an answer to this...

At least not an answer that will do any justice to the child that we are about to adopt...you see, the child will be a living/breathing/real human being with real emotions and feelings...a human being that has already faced a huge loss just as his/her life is starting...so how do I use my petty words to try and explain to this child why i am adopting them...why i am moving them out of the only existence that they have ever known...out of their country and culture...

This has been my emotional growth... I am beginning to learn that i am really not that significant a being... i don't "know" what the right thing to do is in every situation...even though i may be an adult and a parent, i actually do not have all of the answers...that makes me realize that in the end, i am not here to "teach" my children (adopted or biological), but rather i am here to learn from them as well and that is a great humbling feeling!

Again, I think...why am I adopting?

It's because i want to give a child an opportunity...an opportunity that they may not get...we may be wrong, or we may be right...but only time will tell. But as of now, I already know, that this child has already helped me grow in way that I could not have foreseen...even though I still do not know who he/she is...and for that I am grateful.

update to come soon...