A New Beginning?

Blogging has been something that I have been doing VERY on and off over the past 9 years!

This blog has 'seen' me through school, weight troubles, marriage, ups and downs, pregnancy and our adoption journey.

Since I've entered a new decade, in the last few months, I am kind of stuck trying to explore what I want to do with my life...but moreso, I am trying to figure out if maybe I have something that I might have to offer to the world?

A lot of my 20s was trying to figure out who I was and just trying to roll with the punches of being a young person, getting married younger than most people around me and then of starting a young family. As I have entered my 30s, and I now have a child in school and one who is a toddler, I am trying to figure out where to further direct my life? I guess, what is the next chapter for me?

I feel this energy in my chest and I feel like I am on the verge of something, and that my heart is just willing and wanting to explode...my biggest problem is that I am struggling with where that direction is? Where do I channel all of this energy and passion that I have? It is weird...I honestly do not know what I want to do with my life...

But then I think, maybe I do know what I want to do, but I feel restricted by housework, having to care for the kids and just the day to day life...I don't think I have the time or resources to really research what I am passionate about. If I sit back and think about it, I think that realization is the one that scares me the most...that maybe it's not meant for me?

I love my kids, my husband and my life...and caring for them used to fulfill me in a way that nothing did, and it still does, but now I think I want an identity for myself as well. Something that will make me feel like I am living my true purpose in life.

I have been blessed beyond measure, I am so grateful for all of the things, good and bad, that have happened in these past 9 years. I married the most amazing guy, who gave me the confident to discover myself and my worth. I got to experience motherhood x 2 even after struggling with the heartache and pain of infertility.

I am just torn right now...I feel like I am at the verge of something amazing but I am also limited by the other hats that I wear. If I were to honestly, just for the first time, put to "paper" what I would need, to reach where I want to be (the thoughts that I am so afraid to say out loud/or even think about)...I would want someone to take over cooking, cleaning for a few months and maybe find a babysitter to watch the kids for just 1-2 hours per week so that I would have some "alone" and "quiet" time to explore the possibilities out there in the world for me.

There, I said it, and I already feel so much lighter :)

Thank you blog.

I always say I will come back and write again...

Writing has always been something that comes easy to me and at times it is therapeutic...yet, at the same time, it isn't easy...I lack discipline, and I think that is because when I write I only write with passion.

I struggle to write when I am not feeling super passionate about what I am putting to paper...errr blog!

This is the reason why I leave this blog, and yet I come back... it has been 9 years since I first started this blog...I have been married for almost 9 years, have been through many ups and downs in my life, have a biological kid, have an adopted kid and here I am writing again.

I think there is something beautiful and familiar about why I always come back to this blog...it is nice to get an insight into my own mind from time to time. I started this blog when life was easy, it was simple...there were no kids or big chores, or work, to distract me.

When I look at my life now, the only leisure time that i have is when i am running away from my chores...which is often, i must add ;)

Even though my life has been busy before, I think it turned over a new leaf in the past 2 years. Before the past 2 years happened, I guess we would have to rewind back to the past 4 years...

4 years ago is when my husband and I were officially diagnosed with secondary infertility. It was so hard, especially at first, to admit that there was a problem. The hardest part was now being a statistic and having a lable...before that my husband and i were newlyweds, new parents, first time parents and then the couple with secondary infertility. It was rough and it bruised my ego a bit too.

Those moments led to our decision to adopt our second son 2 years ago...

To be continued...