It feels like it's been a lifetime-and-a-half but my whole chore situation hasn't yet been resolved.
I guess this is the only thing that the hubby and I ever have disagreements over.
He's sooo lax about things... for the most part I am too... but I also care about deadlines like wanting to get the house in tip-top condition, at the latest, if someone is about to come over. On the other hand, my hubby seems to like chaos in the last second. Yikes!
He always feels like there's more time.
So seriously, how do I make him realize?
I'm not trying to say he's a bad husband or anything... but I seem to have no way of instilling a sense of urgency into him :(
He's kind, caring and loving... never wakes me up in the morning to serve him breakfast masha'Allah.
There's other things that are great about him too... but he just can't be trusted to complete chores without procrastinating...I don't want to nag him nor give him a time n date... but some things just need to be taken care of.
He says he's busy, which I understand. Life's like that...
We're also trying to get pregnant and a baby will get us super duper busy... so I just want him to realize that life goes on... some things still need to get done.
If all of this is normal, then what helps you to relax and not care about these kind of things?
Help please?
Friday, May 14, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
A lot has happened...
Yeah, so a looot has happened since I last wrote on here.
Firstly, I just wanna say that Allah (God) is amaaazing! He works in miraculous ways.
I am sure that I've mentioned how I've been feeling kind of strange about finally having to move from OH and leave my parents, for good this time, in March.
Well... as the days were getting shorter and the date getting closer, I just decided that I didn't wanna think about anything anymore... I didn't want to risk being upset and overwhelmed again, as I had been a few months ago.
So yeah, everything was just sitting at the back of my head and I told myself to take one day at a time and move on.
Then, the strangest thing happened!
My husband got a call from OH...
Call from OH... about a job he had applied a few ago for.
Thing is, he applied to many different jobs and in many different states but we weren't expecting any calls anytime soon... I mean lets face it, the economy is TERRIBLE so practically no one's getting calls about employment.
Anyhow, so the bottom line is... he got a call and had 3 interviews in 3 days and got offered the job on day 4.
So guess what? He's moving to OH and on a better pay too! And, he'll be here in a week.
I was just anticipating my husband coming here to visit me tomorrow night, since he surprised me by booking a ticket ( I had wanted him to be here for his bday and plus I was really really missing him). So I guess now he's going to end up taking 2 trips down here in 2 weeks.
Also, we found a beaaautiful apartment 3 miles away from my parents' house and everyone is super exciited! Especially me :)
I feel like this move is Allah blessing me, personally.
The reason for this is because I am the only person who was finding things really difficult... I mean, first of all, I was missing my husband like craaazy and was upset that we couldn't live together until the end of March. On the other hand, I was beginning to get really sad to be leaving all of my OH family behind, as I had mentioned earlier... and so with this job offer, I was ideally getting the best of both. I'm getting my husband back 3 weeks sooner than expected and can still visit my lovely baby cousins n relatives whenever I please :)
Alhamdulillah, indeed God is great!
Firstly, I just wanna say that Allah (God) is amaaazing! He works in miraculous ways.
I am sure that I've mentioned how I've been feeling kind of strange about finally having to move from OH and leave my parents, for good this time, in March.
Well... as the days were getting shorter and the date getting closer, I just decided that I didn't wanna think about anything anymore... I didn't want to risk being upset and overwhelmed again, as I had been a few months ago.
So yeah, everything was just sitting at the back of my head and I told myself to take one day at a time and move on.
Then, the strangest thing happened!
My husband got a call from OH...
Call from OH... about a job he had applied a few ago for.
Thing is, he applied to many different jobs and in many different states but we weren't expecting any calls anytime soon... I mean lets face it, the economy is TERRIBLE so practically no one's getting calls about employment.
Anyhow, so the bottom line is... he got a call and had 3 interviews in 3 days and got offered the job on day 4.
So guess what? He's moving to OH and on a better pay too! And, he'll be here in a week.
I was just anticipating my husband coming here to visit me tomorrow night, since he surprised me by booking a ticket ( I had wanted him to be here for his bday and plus I was really really missing him). So I guess now he's going to end up taking 2 trips down here in 2 weeks.
Also, we found a beaaautiful apartment 3 miles away from my parents' house and everyone is super exciited! Especially me :)
I feel like this move is Allah blessing me, personally.
The reason for this is because I am the only person who was finding things really difficult... I mean, first of all, I was missing my husband like craaazy and was upset that we couldn't live together until the end of March. On the other hand, I was beginning to get really sad to be leaving all of my OH family behind, as I had mentioned earlier... and so with this job offer, I was ideally getting the best of both. I'm getting my husband back 3 weeks sooner than expected and can still visit my lovely baby cousins n relatives whenever I please :)
Alhamdulillah, indeed God is great!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Patience is key...
Sometimes you just have to kick yourself and just move on... and try not to trip over your own dumb mistakes.
Lol, so I know the type of things that I should NOT be doing while conversing with people, particularly my husband... especially when talking over a subject of debate.
And yet, what do I do? I drag myself into murky waters, with no flashlight :P
Yeah, so people... do not jump the gun and talk about stuff that is not directly pertaining to what you are going through now...
Ugh, meaning don't talk/discuss/argue something that'll happen in the future. The topics in this list could include stuff like future baby names, for example.
I brought up a more important topic, but at an irrelevant time.
There's a time for everything and so it's important to be patient.
But at the same time, don't be afraid to open a can of worms at the right time. That is, that if something is bothering you then you should bring it up... unless it's something which is very trivial and you could live with it for the rest of your marriage.
Opening a can of worms could be good for your marriage.
Like I have previously said, studies back the notion that it's ok to argue because that does not ruin a marriage... Rather, it's the WAY you argue which can ruin a marriage.
My husband and I hardly ever argue... but when we do, it can get intense and there's tears etc. but alhamdulillah we ALWAYS come out stronger because we keep talking, then take a break to think (since we're upset) and then we come back to the argument. Sometimes we'll quit the argument plenty of times because we're still upset but then we'll always come back and ask each other how we can resolve it. Also we try to explain, in a different way, our points of view. So keep at something that really means something to you until both of you can reach a happy medium.
At the same time, don't push things out of proportion. Discuss only important things in such depth. Don't pass derogatory comments. Be respectful, listen, be patient and remember above all... this is YOUR marriage so make it work :)
And, try not to trip over your own mistakes.
Lol, so I know the type of things that I should NOT be doing while conversing with people, particularly my husband... especially when talking over a subject of debate.
And yet, what do I do? I drag myself into murky waters, with no flashlight :P
Yeah, so people... do not jump the gun and talk about stuff that is not directly pertaining to what you are going through now...
Ugh, meaning don't talk/discuss/argue something that'll happen in the future. The topics in this list could include stuff like future baby names, for example.
I brought up a more important topic, but at an irrelevant time.
There's a time for everything and so it's important to be patient.
But at the same time, don't be afraid to open a can of worms at the right time. That is, that if something is bothering you then you should bring it up... unless it's something which is very trivial and you could live with it for the rest of your marriage.
Opening a can of worms could be good for your marriage.
Like I have previously said, studies back the notion that it's ok to argue because that does not ruin a marriage... Rather, it's the WAY you argue which can ruin a marriage.
My husband and I hardly ever argue... but when we do, it can get intense and there's tears etc. but alhamdulillah we ALWAYS come out stronger because we keep talking, then take a break to think (since we're upset) and then we come back to the argument. Sometimes we'll quit the argument plenty of times because we're still upset but then we'll always come back and ask each other how we can resolve it. Also we try to explain, in a different way, our points of view. So keep at something that really means something to you until both of you can reach a happy medium.
At the same time, don't push things out of proportion. Discuss only important things in such depth. Don't pass derogatory comments. Be respectful, listen, be patient and remember above all... this is YOUR marriage so make it work :)
And, try not to trip over your own mistakes.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
A link...
A friend of mine shared this link with me and I really liked it.
Take a look:
http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/what-did-you-say-honey/
Take a look:
http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/what-did-you-say-honey/
We're getting better at this :)
Alhamdulillah, things are getting better :D
We moved into our new appt in NC and finally got some time to relax n reconnect without the stress of things weighing down on us!
I got some really constructive advice about my last post and insha'Allah I plan on implementing it in my day to day life.
Marriage is so wonderful, but you will never experience this kind of closeness or relationship with any one other than your spouse therefore it really helps to have friends who know what they're talking about.
Of course experience is the best teacher.
And alhamdulillah I have been blessed with a very supportive and helpful husband... we are just having to learn how to adjust our habits to better suit each other.
I guess the stress level goes up whenever we meet, to some extent, because we always have something huge looming whenever I visit him.
The first time I had gone over the summer, it was my in-laws and ramadaan. This time it was the move... and we always have such a time crunch to get things done in.
I mean this stuff is hard for experienced and long-married couples and we're just new at everything.
So this post is primarily to thank the people who provided me with awesome advice and my more 'seasoned' married people :) Jazaak Allah khayr.
Oh, and one of the advice that I got was for hubby and I to make a list of chores and to divide it by preferences. Like I know he hates doing dishes, so I can do that and maybe he can do something that I don't particularly enjoy in return. But of course, on the weekends :)
Thanks everyone!
We moved into our new appt in NC and finally got some time to relax n reconnect without the stress of things weighing down on us!
I got some really constructive advice about my last post and insha'Allah I plan on implementing it in my day to day life.
Marriage is so wonderful, but you will never experience this kind of closeness or relationship with any one other than your spouse therefore it really helps to have friends who know what they're talking about.
Of course experience is the best teacher.
And alhamdulillah I have been blessed with a very supportive and helpful husband... we are just having to learn how to adjust our habits to better suit each other.
I guess the stress level goes up whenever we meet, to some extent, because we always have something huge looming whenever I visit him.
The first time I had gone over the summer, it was my in-laws and ramadaan. This time it was the move... and we always have such a time crunch to get things done in.
I mean this stuff is hard for experienced and long-married couples and we're just new at everything.
So this post is primarily to thank the people who provided me with awesome advice and my more 'seasoned' married people :) Jazaak Allah khayr.
Oh, and one of the advice that I got was for hubby and I to make a list of chores and to divide it by preferences. Like I know he hates doing dishes, so I can do that and maybe he can do something that I don't particularly enjoy in return. But of course, on the weekends :)
Thanks everyone!
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