Vanity...

Having recently put on 20 pounds is becoming kind of hard on me... I finally understand the aches and pains that showed up, what felt like randomly at first.

I am really not liking it :(

I am not a vain person and hardly obsess about my looks (well, haven't since high school anyways), but I these 20 pounds have been really hard on me.

I think the reason for this may stem back to the fact that I was far more overweight a few years ago than I was just recently... and so now I'm freaking out because I'm back to where I was over 5 years ago!

So yeah, I was not a vain person but I'm scared of the way that I'm feeling now =(

I guess it's just that I really really wanted to look good for my wedding reception, and I'm not the only one who has noticed my recent weight... everyone's been on my case telling me, 'Do you want to be a fat bride?' or stuff like "Oh, now that you're that you're __ years old your metabolism will slow down and so it'll get harder to lose weight but don't worry... since you're already not doing anything, it'll be fine for you!"

So yeah, I guess I've been a little down for a few days now... but alhumdulillah I'm doing somewhat better today. Also, alhamdulillah my husband 'A' has been quite comforting at this time.

I don't know though, I'm just feeling very confused about my recent concern about the way I look... I haven't felt this insecure or upset in a while.

But, again, I did well today... I ate all healthy & have been more positive.

I just hope it lasts.

Oh, on a more positive note, I'm planning on throwing myself a party... since I'll be moving to SC in December, I just wanted to arrange a little get-together with my friends...

So... I'm super excited because I get to go dress shopping for the event, next weekend :D